


love and giving (the game away)

by ruthenide



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-24 22:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14963561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruthenide/pseuds/ruthenide
Summary: Jaehyun and Taeyong's long awaited, heartfelt 11 pm word and feeling overflow.





	love and giving (the game away)

It’s a tuneful Sunday and the clock indicates the sun has disappeared since its fall three hours ago.

Jaehyun notes himself lying on his couch, it’s very late outside, and Taeyong happens to be lying beside him on his right side facing Jaehyun.

“I want you to look at me,” Jaehyun’s hand proposes to caress Taeyong’s cheek, voice going hushed and undisturbed. “Look at me, hyung,” he recites. These words, more than just a candid request, carry an oppressive intention, resonating his preserved and unsaid feelings.

They've been there for some time, he’s aware, soild and heavy. Heavy, to a certain extent that Jaehyun resolves he must hurl them away tonight at this very moment or not ever.

Taeyong’s words too, though brief and concise, bear a heartfelt meaning that has lingered since he picked out what Jaehyun really was to him. “I am,” Taeyong states from the very depth of his weighty heart; determines he lets it all out tonight. “I’m looking at you now.” 

They’re filling, he thinks, his emotions overcrowd the insides of his chest and mind oftentimes he’s unfit to even breathe. He’s always been playing his cards close to his chest, and this time, he decides, no, not anymore.

So he gazes straight into Jaehyun’s eyes, reassuring him that he’s here, he’s with him, and he’s all set to hear what the lad has to put across.

Taeyong may have always been prepared; he isn’t sure, but something he definitely has a grasp on is the fact that Jaehyun has always been his place of ease, of solace, a place to come back to without hesitancy. And likewise, Taeyong as well is certain that he has always been a roof over Jaehyun’s head. He just knows.

Their presence have always been crucial to each other, both are respectively their transports of joy, though Taeyong might had realized just how source of a bliss Jaehyun was to him a little earlier than the other boy did towards Taeyong himself.

Tonight, they both vaguely settle they don’t have the strength left to keep their feelings tight-lipped any longer.

“I want you to know,” Jaehyun closes his eyes, “that I’ve been shouldering whatever it is that’s been hanging around for quite a while and I really, really need to chuck it out of my chest.”

Taeyong hears him, his pouring heart pounding so loud he almost isn’t able to hear his own. “It’s hulking, hyung, it stings once in a while and I really want it to go away. Can you help me make it go away?” his fingers dance their way from Taeyong’s cheek toward his jaw and neck, “I need you to not run out on me, so please don’t back out, please.”

Taeyong’s hand enfolds Jaehyun’s, and “I won’t,” he says, “I’m not going anywhere.” He wants to tell him that he feels entirely the same, that he equally doesn’t want Jaehyun to call it quits and leave, because they’re already on their feet at the edge of a steep ridge. There’s undeniably no way to forgo.

“Put your eyes on me,” Jaehyun pleads as he moves closer (and their noses are now barely two inches apart), “listen to me.”

Taeyong tightens his grip on the younger's hand, studies his face with concerned eyes.

There’s no more worry in Jaehyun’s watch. He doesn’t care if he sounds reasonably stubborn and demanding, because this time, there will be no permissions or boundaries.

13 months were all he had to figure out what sort of fellow feeling that had bothered him and hold back once he did, and he’s truly worn out by now he chooses to stop doing his utmost and finally decides to give in.

He mutters his hyung’s name, eventually takes in a deep breath. “I’ve been trying to make sense of why you were at the helm of me these last few months, ever since we met,” he begins. “It’s like you had the flair to hold sway over me, hyung, I know it makes no sense, but I feel like everything I pulled off, everything I was doing depended on you and I didn’t know why, I had no idea then and I chose not to find out but it resulted in me feeling even more burdened." Taeyong moves half an inch away, regard displayed on his look. 

"I wasn't at all conscious of the reason why I frequently did things only when you were involved. You see– I’d be content every time you’re with me and deeply saddened when you weren’t. I couldn’t sleep without knowing whether or not you’re safe at home, I’d always have you in mind whenever I needed relief, and your pain I wanted to take out from you every time you’re hurt, hyung, because it burned me to see you ache." He still does.

Taeyong’s heart stammers so hard anyone standing outside the door could hear its beat without a hitch.

He shifts his hand and lightly rests it on Jaehyun’s cheek, carries on keeping his ears open.

“I learned to comply with it,” Jaehyun goes on, “so I thought, maybe this is more than just offering a thoughtful friendship and simply caring for someone. Maybe this is about bringing to light what my heart's been telling me all along." His breath tethers, ribcage left with no more power to keep his heart at rest.

"And perhaps it's been telling me that I don’t ever want you to leave my side, because maybe it’s going to leave me hurt if you do.” Jaehyun opens his eyes. “So I’m asking you, hyung, to look at me.” _Look at me_ , Taeyong hears him say over and over.  _Grasp and get around my feelings for you_ , Taeyong takes in. 

He presses his forehead forward, touching Jaehyun’s in the mildest way there is. 

“Can you see me?” Jaehyun muses, “I’m seriously in love with you, hyung, it took me over a year to fully understand that you mean so much to me.” His voice fractures seeing that it carries too much strength of feeling, it’s no longer sturdy enough and everything is falling to bits. “I don’t... you’re everything and I don’t want you to go, I can’t let you.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Taeyong delivers a quiet grin. “How many times should I really tell you that?"  _How many times are you going to call on asking me to look at you? I am, I am, I always have._ “Jaehyun,” he lets out, almost a whisper. “I’m going to give you my share and only let you listen to it once, so hear me out? Please?”

“I’ll hang on every word, hyung.” Jaehyun breaks their gap, scans his hyung’s face and thinks, just how am I this blessed to have found this beautiful man?

“You should know..just how big of an impact you had on me, Jae,” he affirms, “how ridiculously affected I was by your frank gestures, hearing your thoughts whenever we have a heart-to-heart,” he takes a breath, “and how badly I want to kiss you every time you’re too close that my head goes raving mad.”

He stirs his hand to the back of Jaehyun’s head, pulling him closer on the double that the length of distance separating them is almost lacking.

Taeyong breathes out, says, “You have no idea how relieved I am knowing that we’ve been on the same page, carelessly being buttoned up for too long.”

Jaehyun stops dead, a little lost that he has to convince himself that he’s hearing the right thing.

“You’re the one, Jae, always keeping my head above water. Everything about you is so engaging I don’t feel like I deserve you. Not at all,” and the sound of their heart beating is the loudest silence they have ever come across.

“I’m drawn to your warm nature, it relieves me too see you smile, and it also pains me to see you hurt, so I’m staying with you. I’m staying because you mean the world to me and I don’t ever want to lose you, Jaehyun. I love you.. _God_ , I’ve loved you, I’ve been in love with you for even longer than you know-”

And not a single second Jaehyun plans to change his scheme as his places his lips onto Taeyong's, planting a kiss that tastes on the lines of endearment and longing.

It isn't unforeseen, but the kiss is sudden enough that Taeyong is made bowled over, a little taken aback of Jaehyun's immediate move. He feels Jaehyun’s lips stir, moist and mild, moving hastily but gentle and cautious.

He settles his hand on his hip and pulls him closer, his heart’s beating the living daylights out of his chest and blithe is all he can pick up, because god knows how long he’s been waiting for this.

Taeyong pulls his own body up and hovers over Jaehyun, putting his arms and knees on either side of the younger, caging his body. They kiss some more and it stays velvety though a little messy, their lips crashing lightly out of warmth and affection and both have never felt so over the moon.

”I love you,” Jaehyun murmurs in between kisses, “I’ve loved you, hyung, I’ve loved you for so long,” it’s the most alluring thing Taeyong has ever heard coming out of his lips, and he feels exactly the same.

They break the kiss, drawing their breaths and Jaehyun looks awfully beautiful from this viewpoint, his lips wet and ears beet red and Taeyong just wants to keep him forever.

“I'm looking at you,” Taeyong remarks. “I've always been looking, do you understand?” 

“Yes,” 

and so Jaehyun does.

**Author's Note:**

> if you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading <3 there goes my first drabble...i was really just in my jaeyong hours when i wrote all this, hope you enjoyed :)
> 
> hmu on twt: woojaehyn


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